Lies are a serious problem, not only in everyday life but also in a marriage relationship. Finding your husband or wife lying certainly can eliminate the trust you have built up. If a lie is done concerning a matter that is quite serious and done repeatedly without deterrence, this can certainly lead to the cracking of your household. To overcome this problem, the following will be discussed about ways you can do to deal with a lying partner.
I'm married, why does my partner still lie?
Basically someone is lying to protect himself or the person he is lying to. Lying is one way to avoid conflict. Therefore, people who like to lie are those who are unable or unwilling to manage conflict. They are also usually less skilled in finding solutions. They prefer shortcuts, namely lying.
Lying often starts from trivial things, from shame and discomfort to telling and saying something to a partner. For example, your partner has just been shopping for a very expensive item. Because you don't want to fight with you or find a solution, your partner chooses to lie.
Even though your partner really doesn't need to lie. He could compensate for the expensive groceries by saving money over the next few months.
On the other hand, lies in a growing household can be done as a sign of discomfort. Especially if the lie is very serious like cheating.
How do you deal with a fake artisan couple?
1. Find out why the couple is lying
Finding out why your partner is lying is the first step you can take to solve a problem and restore trust. Because, lies are often used as a tool to cover up perceived problems that might be related to discomfort.
Although it's not an easy thing to control your emotions when you find out you're being lied to, talk slowly and ask your partner to be honest is the first way to open the reason behind a partner's lie.
Being lied to is indeed painful, but listening well to the underlying reason is the most important wise way. Don't even shout at your partner or accuse her of things. Such an attitude makes your partner even more lying.
2. Change starts from yourself
If it turns out that one of the reasons your partner likes to lie is because of your attitude towards him, then change your behavior. Suppose you have scolded him for hanging out with friends you don't like after office hours. So, it is not impossible that your partner will lie if he has to go with someone else.
Therefore, it is better to express your feelings and thoughts in a calm tone, do not be excited. If you don't like your partner to leave late at night with his office mate, tell them well along with the logical reasons. Don't just demand it on the grounds, "Anyway I don't like it, period!"
When problems are handled with a cold head, you and your partner may understand each other's intentions and desires. If your partner understands your intentions, he can consider his decision carefully, whether he wants to go with a friend after work or not. However, if your partner does not know why you do not agree with his actions, he also tends to keep going and eventually lie to you.
You also need to realize that your partner needs time to change his lying habits. The most important thing is to face problems together and give support to the couple to change.
3. Listen to each other, not blame each other
In the household, good communication is a very important foundation. Therefore, you need to make space to discuss each other and listen to complaints from each other. In addition to expressing each other's feelings, you can also make the discussion room a place to express each other's wishes in your household. Take time to talk from heart to heart more often to express honesty.
If you feel the lies done are too heavy to be forgiven, you can consult a marriage counselor to find the best solution for your marriage.
- Get to know Mythomania, When the Liar Believes in His Own Lie
- 5 Ways to Avoid Lying If You Are Already a Habit
- Psychological Reasons Why People Lie Not Enough Once