Besides communication, the key to healthy relationships is one that must be based on mutual trust. Unfortunately, even though your partner has tried to be honest in any way, you may still doubt all his good intentions. Doubt is what makes you not reluctant to check your partner's cellphone to make sure nothing is hidden. Is this really true or not?
Why, do you like to check your partner's cellphone without his knowledge?
"All day yesterday he chat with anyone, huh?"
"It's often hard to contact lately. Who does he call, anyway? "
"Who else likes him in the social media?"
Ever thought that way?
Be aware or not, haunted by these questions will encourage you to check your partner's cell phone directly without asking questions or even permission first. Well, it turns out that there are several reasons that underlie this, including:
1. Trauma of the past
Having failed in developing a previous relationship because of being cheated on, might be the reason why it's so hard not to check her cellphone. The bitter shadow of being betrayed by your partner still remembers clearly in your mind.
This then makes you insist on maintaining the current relationship no matter what. One of them is by always monitoring the movements of the couple through their cellphone.
Mary Lamia, Ph.D., a California clinical psychologist, explains that emotional memories that have occurred in the past indirectly can indeed influence your current actions. Until finally, it fosters a feeling of fear that this bad event will repeat itself.
2. Not trusting a partner
The habit of always checking your partner's cell phone can start from the lack of trust in you. Like a building, trust can be regarded as the reinforcement foundation of a relationship. So when that suspicion starts to grow, you will subconsciously continue to be enveloped by worry.
Not infrequently, this will actually spawn trivial problems that can actually be discussed carefully. Gradually, you may limit the activities and scope of partner friendship due to lack of trust. Finally, he feels uncomfortable and is not comfortable with your habits. You certainly don't want this to happen, right?
3. Feel something is covered
Trigger factors that often check your partner's cell phone are not always caused by yourself. Sometimes, the attitude shown by a partner can also influence your actions later. A psychologist and sex therapist, Shannonn Chavez, argues that someone who is not very open with his partner can lead to suspicion.
You, because you feel something is covered, finally prefer to find out for yourself by checking your partner's cellphone. The most common reason, because it's easier to confirm it yourself than to be involved in conversations that have the potential to cause contention.
Or maybe, it feels difficult for you to ask what your partner is feeling. In short, you like knowing what is really happening in your partner's life but don't want to communicate it directly.
So, this habit is still normal or not?
According to Chavez, you are considered to have gone too far if you dare to check your partner's cellphone without his knowledge. Actually it is only natural that curiosity arises around the life of social media, email inboxes, short messages, and spouse's phone history. However, you should still limit your actions.
Instead of always secretly checking your partner's cellphone, why not try asking directly to channel your curiosity? Don't let him later feel that your actions have violated his privacy limits.
On the other hand, this habit also calls for the wrong way of communication in your relationship. Indeed, your suspicion will be paid directly after confirming what is in the partner's cellphone. However, will it always rely solely on clandestine ways to ensure your doubts?
By always being enveloped by this feeling of anxiety and fear, no doubt it will always make you assume negatively on your partner. As a result, it disturbs the harmony of relations because of the emergence of excessive suspicion.
It's okay to check your partner's cell phone, as long as ...
There are some people who don't have a problem when their partner checks their cellphone, even memorizes the password to open it. Usually, this is because both of them have made a joint agreement before.
This statement was also supported by Ryan Howes, a psychologist at the Playhouse District of Pasadena, California, that relationships built on trust allow both partners to have good communication with those around them without feeling suspicious. Whether it's with family, friends, or colleagues.
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