Without realizing it, everyone must have lied to themselves. In fact, just like lying to someone else, lying to yourself will not end well. The habit of lying to yourself can hinder various aspects of your life. Starting from building good relationships with friends and family, making love, to a career. So how do you stop this habit? Check out the following tips, let's go.
What is it like, lying to yourself?
One example of lying to yourself is refusing to believe in love. Because you do not believe in love, you are always half-hearted in establishing relationships with the closest people. Whether with your best friend or with a partner.
There are several reasons why people lie to themselves by not believing in love. According to Cristalle Sese, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, United States (US), you might actually want to believe in love. However, you are afraid of a broken heart because of love. Either because someone was rejected, had a big fight, betrayed the couple, and so on.
So, to avoid pain, you might lie to yourself with the thought that love doesn't exist.
Another lie that is often instilled is thinking that you can't do something. For example, your boss at the office is looking for a candidate for the leadership of an important project. Actually, you have been aiming for that position for a long time. However, you must compete with your coworkers whose performance and achievements are very good.
For fear of being disappointed if you fail to get this position, you are lying to yourself by instilling thoughts like, "Ah, it's okay if I can't get this position. My rival does work well, anyway. Maybe later there's still another chance for me. "
Why is lying to yourself difficult to stop?
You are lying to yourself because you basically want to find a safe and comfortable position. You are also afraid of things that are unpredictable. As a result, it's very difficult to accept reality.
Your lies do to make life a little easier and prevent stress. Lies are a way to avoid disappointment or pain.
However, what makes this habit difficult to stop is that you yourself usually don't realize that you're actually lying to yourself.
Then how do you stop lying to yourself?
1. First, get to know yourself
To stop yourself from continuing to lie, you must learn to get to know yourself better. The methods are different and different for everyone. There are people who can know themselves because they are diligent in writing diaries, chatting with people nearby, or by trying out new things in life.
Knowing yourself will help you understand what you want, what reality must be faced and how to best get through life's challenges. That way, there is no need to lie to yourself.
While knowing yourself, you also have to keep in mind that everyone has different weaknesses and strengths. So, there is no need to be covered to show yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings out there.
2. In what situations do you lie to yourself the most?
After recognizing yourself more deeply, then you can think about things that make you lie. Also absorb what you feel when you lie to yourself.
This can help you prevent the emergence of lies within yourself when you begin to feel threatened or frightened. So before you lie to yourself, you can already tell which lies are true and which ones are realities.
3. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself
This last step is the most difficult but very effective. In order to be honest with yourself, you can ask to be reminded by a friend or person closest to you when you start lying to yourself.
In addition, in order to be honest, you must have prepared complete weapons to fight for what you really want. Suppose you target a position as a project leader. If you do not prepare yourself carefully, of course you will lose competitiveness with other colleagues.
So, instead of lying to yourself that you don't really want that position, it's better to prepare yourself as best you can. Can be by highlighting what your achievements on previous projects or looking for bright ideas for the new project.
Preparation like this will make you focus more on goals, not on obstacles.
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