When someone in your life is depressed, what would you say to help him? You who know and love someone who is depressed usually don't want anything but to help, and there's nothing wrong with this. However, in times of depression, often even the best intentions backfire.
"People still don't have a clear idea about mental illness," said Kathleen Brennon, representative of the Depression Alliance, reported by Health. Sometimes, people around will say, "Don't be sad all the time, endure a little." For someone who is depressed, there is nothing worse than hearing comments like this. It is important for you to know that depression is not just feeling upset or sad.
Disturbance and sadness are human feelings and we all have them. But depression is a real medical condition - something that lasts for weeks or even years, which can even put someone at risk of suicide. Depression is not a matter of temporary mood swings.
We know you want to help, but there are right and wrong ways; missteps, underestimating one's depression can further aggravate his condition - getting isolated and exacerbating the feeling of being misunderstood by comments or silly questions thrown by friends or family members.
Here are 8 comments that you definitely want to avoid - even if the goal is good - to prevent worsening the situation for someone who already feels bad.
Don't say this if you want to help a depressed person
1. "There are always people out there who suffer more than you"
Or "Well, it can't be helped. Life is not fair, "or" Look at the bright side, at least you are still given a healthy body. "
This is very true, but knowing that some people have third-degree burns does not make the wound of first-degree burn patients feel more ill; problems that other people have don't make your problem disappear.
"Depression is a very common disorder," said Dr. Harold Koenigsberg, a psychiatrist and professor of psychiatry from Icahn School of Medicine in Mount Sinai, New York, reported by Upworthy. He explained that about 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men suffer from severe depression at some point in their lives. This statistic means it's quite possible for all of us to know someone who has dealt with depression at one point in his life.
Just say this: "You are not alone. I'm here for you. "
2. "Ah ... that's just your feeling."
Yes, depression is indeed related to mood swings. But it's not that simple. Depression is not just a temporary mood swell, this condition is caused by hormonal imbalances in the brain. This comment shows people who suffer from depression have control over their suffering - that if they only try a little to think positively, they will feel better. This also underestimates the real physical pain that can be caused by depression.
Just say this: "I see lately you're having trouble, and your situation makes me worry. Is there anything I can do to help? "
3. "There's nothing to worry about, everything will be fine."
Someone who is depressed feels sad or bad about many things, but these things do not cause their depression. Depression is not always caused by certain traumatic or sad events. Sometimes, depression just happens; does not make it less serious.
This advice can trigger an explosion of anxiety in that person. Again, assume that depression is related to a particular event or triggered by a particular incident /trauma making it a host weapon for your desire to try to understand and empathize with people you care about.
Just say this: "Sorry I didn't realize you were suffering. I will be very happy to spend time with you, and I am more than willing to be your sampah rubbish ’for issuing rumors. Coffee, let's go? ", Or" Has there ever been a desire to seek help? "
4. "Same, I used to be depressed because of [...]
If you really have been entangled in depression and made it out, hearing this comment from someone who has the same experience can be very meaningful to someone who feels that no one understands them, or feels too shy to talk about their situation.
But, if you just say it to "calm down" without knowing exactly what someone who is depressed is experiencing, this comment can really impress humbly. Feeling depressed as a healthy individual is very different from clinical depression: one of them is a chronic condition that can last monthly to annual, while the other is a separate incident, so it is not possible to generalize both. You have experienced situations that you think are similar /trigger depression, mourning for example, but you don't really face "ghosts" that curb depressed people every day.
Even though they often overlap, sadness when grieving and depression is not the same thing. Depressed people struggle to get a glimmer of hope monthly and yearly, something you really feel if you have had clinical depression.
Just say this: "I can only imagine what you are experiencing, but I will try to understand it as best I can. We can and will free you from this suffering. "
5. "Ah, when are you depressed? You look fine /happy all the time! "
Just as when you sort out filters, angles, and lighting for your selfies, depressed people also adjust their "masks" when they are in public places, with the people closest to them. Some people are very skilled at disguising his depression. It's easy to fake happiness, so just because your friends /family members smile broadly, doesn't mean they don't suffer inside themselves.
Just say this: "Recently I saw you are a little different. What is wrong? How can I help? "Or" I miss, coffee, let's tell you stories! "
6. "Just say yes, if you need help."
Comments like this often intend well but produce a bad ending. If you really want to help, your actions must match your words. It is very important for him to know that you 100 percent want to support and help him, that you do what you promise. If you don't follow up on the promises to get together with the mall or stay at his house, your request to check on the situation will actually trigger his depression to worsen (because he thinks you're "just teasing him").
Just say this: "Have you ever thought of getting help?", "Tell me what I can do now to help you.", or "Slow down only, I care about you and I will remain here with you to go through all this, "
7. "Go out often!" Or "Smile, kek, occasionally."
This shows you have a simple - and wrong - assumption about depression. Comments like this are like telling someone with a broken leg, "Why don't you try to walk?" Don't treat depression like life choices, as if the person chooses to be in constant suffering. No one chooses to be depressed.
Just say this: "I hate seeing you suffer. Come on, taste the new coffee shop near the office. He said, good! "
8. "He said, this exercise or diet can cure depression. Have you tried it before? "
We often think depression can easily disappear, but depression is a congenital condition. Although exercise can help suppress a bad mood, when someone is struggling with depression it might be too difficult to even get out of bed for a few days.
Suggesting easy tips such as jogging or eating it to cure depression implies that someone who is depressed may not put everything he can to be able to heal, said Nikki Martinez, PsyD, a licensed clinical clinical psychologist and counselor , launched from Prevention. "Commenting like this is like saying what happens is not caused by imbalances in the body or trivial health problems, when actually depression is a chronic condition," Martinez added.
Making different choices in the future might help him deal with depression, but first, they need to recuperate to even make a mature decision.
Just say this: "You are very important to me. Your life is important to me. When you feel like giving up, tell yourself that you will last for one more day, one more hour, one more minute - how long you can afford, "or" I believe in you, and I know you are able to go through all this. I will be by your side at all times. "
What to remember when dealing with someone with depression?
There are many more words or comments that can have a negative impact on someone who is depressed. Remember, depression is not just a quick change of mood. Depression is a serious medical condition that requires professional treatment. Reach out. Being supportive involves offering enthusiasm and hope. Very often, support is a matter of communication with that person in a language that he will understand and can respond to while being under pressure.
By keeping these tips in mind, not only can we avoid saying the wrong thing, but we can stay close to someone who is depressed, say and do the right thing.
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