In Indonesia, suicide by drinking poison and hanging yourself is the highest case. Every year, 800 thousand people die from suicide. Reporting from CNN Indonesia, based on data from the World Health Organization (WHO) in 2012, the suicide rate in Indonesia is estimated at 4.3 per 100,000 population. The National Police Headquarters noted that there were around 1,900 suicide deaths throughout 2012-2013.
When someone close to you has said something that sounds like he is considering suicide, or is willing to do it seriously, this cannot be taken lightly. You may not be sure what to do to help him, whether you should really worry about this problem, or if your efforts to intervene might actually make the situation worse.
Individuals who have suicidal tendencies may not ask for help, but that does not mean they do not need a helping hand from those around them. Most people who have tried or wanted to commit suicide don't want to really die - they just want the pain to stop.
Taking action as soon as possible is the best choice and can save someone's life. Here's how.
1. Start by asking
Talking to friends or family members about the topic of suicide and what they experience can be difficult. However, even if you are not sure how to start, asking is a good opener.
Start relaxed, like starting a daily conversation:
- Recently, I am worried about your situation.
- We haven't talked together for a long time, what are you doing?
- Just want to check you out, it looks like someone else really thinks. Are you okay?
- I noticed, you have always been sad lately. Why?
If the conversation starts pointing to the actual topic, you can ask open questions, for example:
- Have you ever hurt yourself?
- Do you want to kill yourself? - You don't try to "brainwash" them with this question. You actually show that you are really worried, and you take this problem seriously, and it doesn't matter to him to share the suffering he is facing you.
- Does this desire still exist?
- Have you ever thought how or when you will do it?
- Since when did you start feeling like this? What makes you want to do it?
- (If you have already attempted suicide) When did you do it?
- How do you feel after doing it?
Show your interest and presence. Try not to influence what they say, instead give them the opportunity to speak honestly and openly. Open questions like the one above will encourage them to continue talking. Avoid statements that can end the chat, like "I understand what you mean" or "don't worry too much about it."
Asking questions can be a useful way to let your interlocutor stay in control of the direction of the conversation while also allowing them to give up about their true feelings.
Asking about suicidal thoughts or desires will not encourage the person to do things that are likely to harm him or herself. In fact, offering to be a friend to confide in and an opportunity for him to open up can reduce a person's risk of actually carrying out suicidal intentions.
2. Listen, don't judge or lecture
Suicide is someone's desperate attempt to escape the bondage of unbearable suffering. Blinded by feelings of self-hatred, despair, and isolation, he cannot see other ways to get help other than death. Even so, even though they are enveloped by a strong desire to stop the pain, in general they will experience inner opposition about trying to end their own lives. They hope there is a way out besides committing suicide, but they cannot see other options.
Talking about a problem experienced by someone is not always easy and you might be tempted to offer a solution. But often the most important thing you can do to help is simply listening to what they say. It is important not to judge about how someone thinks and behaves. Don't argue about the true and false aspects of suicide, or whether the feelings they have experienced so far are true or false. Don't also give "lectures" around the values of life when you want to help someone who has suicidal tendencies.
You may feel that some aspects of their thinking and behavior make the situation worse. For example, they drink too much alcohol or cannot stop hurting themselves. After all, try to "rectify" them. This will not bring many benefits to them. Guarantees that they are not alone, respect, caring, and support can help them through this difficult time.
3. Search for help
Treat all attempts to end your own life as an emergency situation.
Talking about feelings can indeed help them feel safe and calm, but this feeling may not last long.
Don't swear to maintain confidentiality with people who wish to commit suicide. Take quick action - remove or dispose of all sharp and dangerous objects, or other objects that might be used to end life - and seek help from outside (psychologists, doctors, psychiatrists, and police), if you are not sure how to take further action .
If there is an emergency hazard, be sure not to leave them alone. Often people who try suicide are only handled in the Emergency Unit, without further consultation with a psychiatrist on the issues behind the cause. Data that entered the hospital generally only recorded the final actions performed by the patient such as poisoning, and were not recorded as attempted suicide.
Maybe he needs a more comprehensive long-term support system to help them overcome these negative thoughts. External assistance is important because most people who intend to commit suicide prefer to remain silent and harbor their own problems.
Professional help will help both of you. Not only will the professional team help themselves to overcome the issues behind the causes of suicidal tendencies, but they will also provide support and advice to you and the people closest to them.
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