You probably already know that words like, "Watch out, mom report to daddy!" or "Why don't you like your sister?" is a bad thing to say to your child. But there are still many more sentences that must be avoided, for the good of you and your little one.
1. "Good job!"
Research shows that removing commonly used words such as "Smart kids!" or "Very good!" every time your child has mastered a skill, will instead make him dependent on your praise rather than his own motivation. Of course you still need to praise these words, but do it when he really does something worthy of praise, and make his praise more specific. Instead of using "Good job!" After he played football with his friends, say, "Your kick is great. I'm glad you are compact with your teammates. "
2. "It's okay, next time I can win, why"
It's true, you need to comfort him if he experiences disappointment or defeat. However, these words can also make him feel the pressure to win or become good at it. This can be misinterpreted by the child that you expect him to win or to become an expert in that ability. Instead of saying this, encourage your child to work hard and continue to improve his abilities, and appreciate his efforts whatever the results.
3. "It doesn't hurt, ah" or "It's okay" when the child is injured
When your child's knee is injured, and he cries, your instincts may want to convince him that he is not very sick. But saying that he should feel fine will only make him feel worse. The child is crying because he's not fine. Your job is to help him understand and deal with his emotions, not to ignore them. Try giving him a hug and let him know that you understand what he feels now with "Ouch, shocked?" Then ask if he is okay.
4. "Hurry up, please!"
It's time for school to leave but your child is still playing with his food, not wearing shoes, and going to school late. But shouting "fast!" Will even make him stressful. Soften your tone of voice and say, "We are getting ready faster, let's!" Which explains that you and your child are a team that has the same goal. You can also replace it by making the game "Let's race, who can use shoes first!"
5. "I'm on a diet"
Worried about your excess weight? Don't let your child know. If your child sees you worrying about your body weight every day and hears you talking about how fat you are, he might be able to have an unhealthy body image. It's better if you say, "I only eat healthy food because I want to be healthier." When you say things related to sports, don't make them negative. "Duh, lazy to go to the gym" sounded clear as a complaint, but "Wow, good weather. Jogging, ah! "Can inspire your child to follow you.
6. "We don't have money to buy the item"
It's easy to use this reason so that children no longer whine for the latest toys. But doing so can be misinterpreted that you are in poor financial condition, and children may be worried. Older children can also use this as a "weapon" when you then buy things for yourself (or for a house) at a higher price. Choose an alternative way to convey the same thing, for example, "We can't buy it because we're saving for more important things." If your child is still insistent, you can start a conversation about how to save and manage your allowance.
7. "Don't want to be invited to chat with unknown people"
This is a concept that is difficult for young children to digest. Even if there are people he doesn't know, he won't think that this person is an "unknown person" if the person is very nice to him. Plus, children can misinterpret this rule and refuse the help of the police or fire department they don't know.
Instead of warning him about the dangers of strangers, give him a number of scenarios, for example, "What would he do if an unknown person offered him sweets and wanted to take him home?", make him explain what he would do and guide him to do the right thing.
8. "Watch out!"
Saying this to your child while he is doing something that risks putting him away from what he is doing, so he loses his focus. If the child is busy playing climbing and you feel worried, move to the side just in case he falls later, but keep quiet and calm.
9. "You can't eat chocolate unless your lunch is spent"
This sentence seems to emphasize that lunch is a difficult thing to do, while chocolate is a very valuable main prize. You don't want your child to think like that, especially if the reward is unhealthy food. Change your sentence to, "We spend first lunch, and after that eat chocolate." Although the impression is trivial, changing this sentence will have a more positive effect on the child.
10. "Here mother /father help"
Okay, this is not not to say to the child, it's just that the timing must be right. When your child tries to build a beam tower or complete a puzzle, it's natural if you want to help him. But don't offer help too fast, because this can make it not independent because it's always looking for help or answers from others. It's best if you give a question that guides him to solve the problem: "Which of the pieces should be stored below? Big or small ones? "
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